Sunday, August 26, 2007
Ground Hog Day Blues
Maybe it's too much Asahi, but I feel like dying right now.I'm sure my life could be a hell of lot worse, but to me it's just a mess right now. Went out tonight with some friends - made the mistake of asking out a woman that I've known for some time and who seemed to like me, but what a f**king disaster. Every time I get knocked down, I feel less and less like standing back up.I just hate the look they give you - sort of a mixture of shock and confusion with a bit of suppressed laughter. The last ten years have been just full of that shit. Maybe it's the acute lack of self confidence that I've radiated ever since I was kidnapped and nearly killed. When I think about it, my personal life has spiraled down since 1992 and I feel like I've been roped and dragged behind the clown mobile.My best friend lives 2,000 miles away. He is the only friend I enjoy being around no matter what mood I'm in or he's in. Unconditional friendship - I guess I'm lucky to even have one friend like that. I just can't relate to any of the superficial assholes around my age that I always seem to meet. I guess if I could, I'd hate myself even more. It seems like so many of the women out here just want to know how much you make and expect you to look like some vain, hairless, heroin chic, hermaphroditic pretty boy. It kills me that some of the worst of these kinds of wenches are about as kissable as a baboon's ass, but they cop the attitude nonetheless.The other day, a young woman revealed more culture and intelligence in a brief conversation than I've seen in women twice her age. I can't remember the last time that's happened - especially with anyone within five years of my age.I think I need to really look at California and this business of mine and decide whether to "stay or go now". The customers suck, the workload is unbearable, the money is laughable and my employees just wear me out with excuses, illnesses and crappy attitudes about work. I've always been too lenient with both of them, and it has made things worse.If I had the balls, I'd probably open a vein and take a hot bath, but I know life can be better. At one time I had cute girlfriends with brains, fun and artistic friends, shorter work hours and decent money - I've never made enough for two or a family, but nobody seemed to mind. My customers think I'm rich, yet they still try to treat me like a bus boy when they need help. Damn their eyes.I hope I snap out of this before Monday. I think I might take a ride into SF tomorrow or drive down to Santa Cruz. I hope something happens to restore my faith in love and friendship. It certainly won't happen as a result of my efforts. I'm so f**king embarrassed - and now half drunk.
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8 comments:
you don't know me, but I'm a friend of Xen... therefore, my advice is pure gold.the solution to your predicament is to go for younger women. seriously. also, Elvis Costello is wicked awesome
Thanks for the advice. I see you're a Virgo, too (I'm 9/14) so you really do know what you're talking about!!! Are you neat and a Type A like all good Virgos? I clean out the screw tops of the mustard and ketchup dispensers, vacuum my car trunk and wash out the individual cups of the egg tray inside the fridge door. Hmm - maybe this is my problem?I truly need to shed some weight and build up some confidence. I've always been a person who loves deep thought and intellect, but I live for having fun - almost 24/7. People my age just seem to lose that urge. Many thought I was strange for going to an anime convention with Xen and her friends, but it was great. People just let loose and have way too much fun.Yeah, Elvis is great. King of America. Met him once - he was a really nice guy - although he's had his moments. I also love Richard Thompson - especially when he is at the depths of his dark and gloomy soul.Thanks for taking the time to reply. Feel much better this week - sometimes a sequence of events makes life a bit unbearable and you have to just let it out.
I'm not actually as Virgo as most people I know... I tend to be really anal about some things, but extremely lax about others...it really just depends. In my opinion, if both people are past the age of consent, age is one of the least important things in a relationship. If you find you have less in common with people your age, why waste your time? My fiance is literally twice my age, but it doesn't matter. I'm mature enough, and he's fun enough that it just works.I've seen Elvis in concert twice...never had the pleasure of meeting him though...lucky ;)And, you're very welcome... I was feeling sage, and thought I'd spread it around a bit.Good luck :)
I've seen Elvis in concert twice...never had the pleasure of meeting him though But you did get to meet a drunk look-alike, which more than makes up for it......or something. ;)
You must mean a drunk look-alike Elvis Presley - we were talking about Elvis Costello.Meeting a drunk or sober Elvis Costello would probably be a similar experience. Which reminds of last weeks Hollywood Squares where the contestants were celebrity look-alikes. The Michael Jackson "guy" was scarey. He looked more like Michael Jackson than Michael Jackson. It looked like he underwent surgery, too! Yikes!Lots of weird people out there.Don't ask me why I was watching Hollywood Squares - it's embarrassing enough to admit it.
You must mean a drunk look-alike Elvis Presley - we were talking about Elvis Costello.Meeting a drunk or sober Elvis Costello would probably be a similar experience. LOL! No, I actually mean a drunk Costello look-alike. Though oddly enough it was in Vegas where you'd expect to see an Elvis Presley look-alike. ;)He looked more like Michael Jackson than Michael Jackson. It looked like he underwent surgery, too! Yikes! Lots of weird people out there.Eep....people are scary. Why would someone do that?
LOL! That guy was great! Especially when he didn't punch me in the face ;)
If it had been the real Costello, who knows, you might have been! I have a friend who saw him push someone down in a bar in Chicago. I'm sure the guy deserved it, but this was back in his "angry young men" days with Joe Jackson and XTC.
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