Christmas Time

Okay - I have 12 days to be festive, so I think I'll see a movie.Anyone want to go see The Lion King on the IMAX? I've never seen the whole movie, so I guess I might as well see a 4 story high version of it with remixed digital surround sound and do it right. Then I need to see The Two Towers, Pinocchio, Die Another Day and whatever else. I think the last movie I saw in a theater was Lord of the Rings - and before that Gladiator.Okay, so I'm fussy about seeing movies in theaters. First of all, ticket prices are too high. Secondly, I always end up sitting behind loud whisperers, fidgety kids, tall people with hats, coughers or teenagers trying to dry hump each other, and finally, 95% of American films SUCK! They are made for morons who think that Adam Sandler, Pauly Shore and Carrot Top are creative and funny. Eight Crazy Nights - who paid $8 to see that load of puke? If you did, I'd like to sell you a star in the constellation Boobus Americanus.Is there a 20 minute chase scene? Is there graphic violence or pointless sex every 15 minutes. Does someone get eaten alive or die a slow, horrible death? Are the bad guys German, Italian, Catholic Priests, Arabs or Muslims? Do the actors just blurt out one liners in between explosions or expensively produced scenes of carnage? If not,it ain't fit for American consumption.Kurosawa's last film didn't get released in the US until 8 years after it's official release and 3 years after Kurosawa was already dead. It never played in theaters around here - I just saw it on DVD and it was an incredible film, but it contained none of the elements in the paragraph above. Even the American critics said, "Where were the samurai scenes and sword fights?" "Too much static dialogue, not enough action""Sadly, this film is not as intense and angry as his earlier films - Kurosawa's gotten old and predictably optimistic." Losers.Okay, I feel better now. Don't get me wrong, I love a great sword fight or a naked minx as much as the next guy, just make it part of the plot and make the plot interesting.