Ho Ho Hum

Slooooooow today. This is the last Sunday we stay open. Miburo is sleeping on my lap and I'm just listening to music and trying to get some paperwork done.Need to get a few more presents and food in preparation for Christmas Eve. Need some time off. I'm bored, but it is a nice change from phone calls every minute and customers swarming around with their untethered children.For some reason, I really miss having a girlfriend. You'd think by now I wouldn't care anymore, but I think Christmas makes you think about the past and when I think about past Christmases, I remember sharing it with someone other than family and it was nice. Okay - now I'm depressed. Thanks - stupid fucking journal.

Whatever happened to Mad-libs?

Dear Santa,I have been a good Boy.It really wasn't my fault what happened at Annie's Christmas party. It was Coz who spiked the punch with too much Rum. I can't help it if I drank 21 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Pine-sol.I thought it was funny when I put Sabrina's sock on my head and danced the Dead Bug on the Papa San Chair while singing `Why Don't We Do It in the Road'. I didn't mean to break Annie's Blender and don't know why Annie would sue me for Car Jacking.I don't remember calling Jason's wife a wet ostrich---even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and purple lipstick!And when I threw up on Gayle's husband's foot, it was only because I ate too much of that pizza.After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Gremlin through my neighbor's roof. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a fuzzy cat and have me arrested for adultery!So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all hot and cold. And I'm really not to blame for any of this itchy stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!Sincerely and slowly yours,Rob (Really a nice Boy!)P.S. It's only 25 bucks!

Rubuh and Peesuh . . .

It's easy to get mad and stew about stuff, but I just wanted to say (knowing my employee will read this)that she should understand by now that I care about her and love her like family.We've both been through a great deal over the last three years. She has matured and blossomed into a clever and extroverted young woman, so when she slips back into old habits, I get upset. I'm sure she knows that I want her to continue to mature so that when she finally leaves here, she will have the skills to do what she wants, wherever she wants and live a full and happy life.

I Give Up . . .

Got angry at one of my employees today. She asked me why I needed her to come in today and just generally acted completely disinterested in everything about work, except getting paid. Spent a half an hour playing around on line.I gave her a couple of projects,then left to run some errands but was so mad, I came right back and told her to go home. Then she seemed upset and surprised that I was angry at her. I hate losing my temper with her - I know she's sensitive and has a good deal of stress in her life, too, but when she acts indifferent and annoyed with the little work I give her, I just lose it.I give up - I'm sick and tired of this routine. No more extra hours, for one thing. When I need the extra help, all I get are excuses and grief. I'll just work more hours. I don't think I'll ever find an employee that takes an interest in this business. It's hard to find employees that take an interest the business, but I go out of my way to pay well, give advances, allow extended time off and just about anything an employee needs to feel comfortable. She probably works twice as hard at her other job because they are more strict about everything. Well, I'm not changing my way of running the business, but I guess if I can't get the help I need, I can eliminate the perks.This business is stressful enough without having to deal with crap from employees who think I'm unfair or annoying.On a lighter note, Kuro Neko is staying at home with me. Rossini is at the Music Exchange and Miburo is with Annie. Kuro is very sociable. His only bad habits are trying to sleep between my feet (like Rossini) and licking my hands all the time - especially at night. I need to take pictues of the three cats and put them up here somewhere. Right now, they are about the only things that don't stress me out. Even Rossini's psycho behavior is enjoyable . . . to a point.

Tired . . .

I'm working too much. I've been working hard trying to get everything done before Christmas and the end of the year - phew! When I'm not working, I'm working and when I'm not working, I'm sitting still and staring at the pretty lights.Need to take time off this weekend and just go for a walk -maybe I can get one of the girls to cover the store on Sunday.So why am I up this late? I slay me.

World of Shit Rant . . .

I can't believe how eager our government is for war. For over 10 years, we've been pounding those poor Iraqi bastards with weekly bombings and killing tens of thousands through sanctions on food and medicine. Now we want to usurp their trillion dollar oil reserves and hide behind this "weapons of mass destruction" bullshit. There are plenty of rogue nations out there armed to the teeth with nukes already. We KNOW they have them (we don't have to send in a team) and they are willing to use them, but we don't seem concerned. Why? They have nothing that we want. What does India or Pakistan have outside of billions of people, dust and poverty? No oil there. It's "more OK" for India to have them, so we rag on Pakistan - because they're Muslims. We recently pretended to care about North Korea - let's start Korea and Vietnam up again. Oh, but the Prez sez this ain't 'bout religion. This ain't 'bout A-rabs and Mooslims - it's about terrorism and a "mad man" and "weapons of mass destruction". Now they claim Iraq was behind 911 and everything else - we don't have the proof, but we're working on creating it. Seems Hussein is envious of our massive selctions of soft drinks and the number of blonde pop tarts that show off their belly buttons on MTV, so now he wants to destroy us. Give me a f**king break. I've actually heard "journalists" use those examples.This is about oil, money, religious hatred, ignorance and our government's arrogance in thinking the rest of the world wants to be just like us and therefore hates us. Well, I've got news for America - this country hasn't been the "promised land" for many years. It's a welfare state that works for you if you have money and power or if you're a criminal. Most Americans with money and power are criminals.Sure, we're the wealthiest nation on earth. We consume more than our share of everything. Hooray! We drove the Russians into the Third World by outspending them on "weapons of mass destruction" and our reward for winning is nation of overweight idiots who know more about Ozzy Osbourne's personal life than they do about politics, history and world events combined. They could more easily name the casts of all of the past Survivor programs, than the 50 States. We're are in deep shit and there isn't a bottom in sight.On the other hand, I went shopping today and bought some nice floor pillows. Slowly transforming my living room into a mini do jo. Have put together my Christmas list for friends and family and can't wait to spend some time this week getting ready for the holidays. To me, Christmas is about family, friends, food and parties. I like to give gifts, but I give gifts throughout the year, so I never stress about that crap.As long as I have beautiful music to listen to, family, good friends, rum and cokes, yummy snacks and everything they don't advertise as on sale for 2 days only at Target, I'll feel the true meaning of Christmas - which transcends religions, races and cultures and that meaning is -- elf bowling . . . oh, and love. By love, I mean the lofty kind - not the pervy stuff - well, that counts, too.

Christmas Time is Here . . .

I'm seeing the world through the bottom of a rum and coke tonight. Everything appears dark and sweet.Have to work tomorrow. *grrr* I decided to open on Sundays to attract more business - I'm sure it will turn out like one of those schemes that Wiley Coyote always thinks up. I should rename the store ACME Music and put some bird seed outside the front door.I just want to go away for a year. Taking that vacation to Italy really opened my eyes -- but sometimes I think life is easier with blinders on. You don't know any better.Looking forward to Christmas and a few parties. Don't really get gifts any more, just like the food, drink and social gatherings. Get really nostalgic about how Christmas used to be when I was young, when my family was together and, quoting Paul, "life was an open book."I think I watch too much anime and Kurosawa - the Japanese appear to be fond of sentimental stories and I think it's rubbing off. Having cats doesn't help either. They bring out a part of me that I thought was dead when I realized I probably wouldn't have children. I find myself talking to the little beasts as if they were children - especially Rossini. I've got to remember to post their pictures up on the journal.Time for bed - would like to have another drink and a pipe, but I've got to sing again Monday. Can't wait until that's all over - want to enjoy Christmas. I feel sorry for people who grow up without traditions and holidays - sometimes they're the only thing that keep me connected.

Too much to drink . . .

Oh man, I sang in Danville tonight and then went to a pub afterwards. I had my first beer, a strong ale, on an empty stomach and got hammered instantly.The bar had great music and every woman in there was an 11 out of 10. Of course, they were 10 to 18 years younger than me, so I felt like a major hentai. But the way I see it, men are instinctively drawn to beauty and can't help it - no matter how old we get. It's nature calling. Well tonight, nature was screaming into my ear with a bullhorn. All of them were too cute to be true and dressed to accentuate everything worth accentuating. Off the charts.I need a drink . . .

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving. Time to reflect on things.Even though I get mad about the store, careless people and my life in general, I'm pretty lucky.I'm thankful for having a good family, having had a good childhood and a good education. I have many fond memories of my life growing up in Michigan. I'm thankful for having been in love and having been loved, even though it never lasted. Many people never experience what I have and there is still hope that I will again.I'm thankful for the few good friends that I have. Even though I often wish for more, the ones I have, stand by me and have tried to support me no matter how bad things have gotten. I think they believe in me and respect my efforts to do the right thing and to do things well - even though I often fall short.I'm thankful for my business and doing what I love, even though the pay sucks. It's not easy to start a business from scratch, maintain it and then build it up. My current employees are not perfect, but they are honest and sincere. I think that keeping them on has helped them to grow. It would have been much easier to have never hired them or to have let them go, but I've seen them mature and grow from the experience of working for me and I've learned from them, as well.Although my father has been dead for three years and even though his death was tragic and premature, I am thankful that I got the chance to know him better before he died. Even though his last few years were full of anxiety, confusion and pain, I believe he knew that I loved him and wanted to help him, even though I could never find a way.Although my mother can be burden and even though she unintentionally drives me crazy at times, I know she is lonely and suffering. I am happy that I can be here to help her as she ages and slowly loses her abilities. She has always been a good mother to me and I've yet to meet anyone who is as kind and loving to her family and nearly everyone that she meets.Finally I am thankful for my health and for the success that I enjoy. My success has never been financial, but I am able to barely afford a decent place to live in a beautiful area of California while I try to make some of my dreams come true. I am also grateful that I understand that it is the journey that matters, not the destination. None of us ever truly reach a destination and if we could, we would wither and die, but at least some of us try to enjoy the experience of being alive - even though life is an equal portion of sorrow and joy - neither lasts long enough to be completely overtaken by the other.Happy Thanksgiving to the one person who may read this and the billions who will not.

Apathy

I pay better than most retail stores around here and really go out of my way to take care of my employees.Even though I give them advances, presents, bonuses and often buy lunch or other junk for them, I find that some really don't appreciate it and basically abuse the situation.It's hard to discipline once you've spoiled a child (something I said to an employee and her friend today) but I guess the whole thing was lost on the employee.If business continues to stay slow, I may just clean the slate and start working by myself for awhile. Between the illnesses, excuses and requests for time off, I don't see how my employees are helping my business. Most of the complaints I get are about their attitudes or their inability to take and fill orders. Why do I do it?The whole thing makes me stink.